If any of my readers read the Register Guard's sports section last Saturday they probably ran into several stories that were already familiar to them. The paper wrote a "breaking news" story on Ben Voogd transferring from LSU to Oregon, another story described how Chamberlian Oguichi was sticking around, and the third story offered exciting new details on how Oregon was bringing back baseball as a scholarship sport.
These stories were probably familiar to my readers BECAUSE I BROKE ALL OF THEM AT LEAST TWO WEEKS AGO HERE ON THE BALDINGREPORT!!!! (Check June 24th for Voogd, June 20th for baseball, and June 2nd for Chamberlain Oguichi)
The Register Guard has always been a lame paper, but their tardiness on these epic stories is below even them. Then again what do you expect from a paper where the most popular column actually answers questions about why some rocks in Pendleton are painted yellow (You are better than that Bob Welch).
Since the Register Guard's sport section is now comprised of information I break here on the BaldingReport, look for the following stories to appear in the Register Guard around July 20th
1) Dexter Manley III quitting the football team (Hopefully he learned more in school then his dad did)
2) Oregon Football recruits Simi Fili and Rishard Matthews not qualifying academically
3) Oregon announcing a basketball schedule that is eerily similiar to last year with the only marquee game being @Kansas State. Oregon will also play Oakland College in Detroit.
If the Register Guard really wanted to break a story they would write a story about the tormented relationship between my roomate and his girlfriend.
At our last update Justin was trying to think of things he could do that would force his girlfriend to break up with him. First he decided to tell her that he was dumping her in September no matter what. That failed. Then he told her he was not giving her his new address or new phone number. Again failure. Finally Justin decided to play his Trump card by peeing all over the bed while she was in it. One might think this would be push her over the edge but again she refused to break up with him.
I was content to allow her to continue to date Justin as long as she never looked at me (She looks like a female Mitch Platt) or talked to me (she sounds like Mr. Ed sucking on helium).
However last week I found myself stuck in the living room with her and Justin, watching the TV show "Are you smarter than a 5th grader". I figured this was her chance to prove she was a good intellectual match for Justin. (IE smarter than a 5th grader). Sadly she proved herself to be dumber than every 5th grader on the show.
Seeing as this girl's only redeeming quality is her natural abiltiy to camaflouge herself in the snow, I have decided that I have had enough of her. Since Justin can not force her out, I must personally undertake the task. If anyone has any ways of forcing her out, please leave a comment. By the end of the week I want her and the Register Guard out of this apartment for good.
BaldingReport Out.
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