Saturday, October 27, 2007

Oregon USC

Seeing as I am stuck in Oakland for the next 4 weeks and the nearest place that gets Fox Sports Net is a meth lair about 3 miles away, I will make my Oregon-USC predictions quick and easy.

Oregon will win if:
1) They can protect the passer. Dixon is great if given a lot of time to throw, but he really sucks if the D-Line gets pressure on him...Considering USC has the two best defensive tackles, and the best defensive end in the conference, this could be a difficult challenge.

2) Walter Thurmond III doesn't suck.

3) Oregon gets a few lucky turnovers Early in the season teams like Michigan and Houston were just giving the ball to Oregon, but lately even bad teams like Stanford and Washington aren't turning the ball over againt the duck defense. For Oregon to have a chance today, they need Sanchez to make some really stupid plays.

Final Prediction: Seeing as I am have missed every Oregon prediction this season outside of the Houston game, its probably good that I think USC wins this game fairly easily. I think their defense will destory the spread and that Carroll is still the best coach in the country. Given the nature of USC, Oregon will score first and probably even be leading at halftime but USC will blow Oregon's doors off in the second half in route to a comfortable 17 point victory.

Final: USC 34 Oregon 17
Halftime score: Oregon 14 USC 6

Friday, October 19, 2007

Team of Destiny

Several "media pundits" talked this week about how the Ducks have the look of a "team of destiny". They said this team is perhaps the most talented duck team ever, and rivals the Joey Harrington led team of 2001. I also believe Oregon is a "team of destiny" but the destiny I see them achieving is one of chokers.

Oregon is a 13 point favorite this Saturday against Washington but anyone who knows anything about anything knows that this line is way way to high and here is why.

1) Jake Locker will butcher the Oregon defense- Not only has Locker run for more yards than either Jonathan Stewart or Jeremiah Johnson, but he is also probably faster than 9 of Oregon's 11 starting defenders. Expect almost 200 yards rushing from Locker in this game. Plus the last time Oregon went against a team that ran elements of the spread they gave up nearly 600 yards of offense to Houston. Not good.

2) Oregon has no good starting receivers- Who is going to catch the ball for Oregon in this game??? Jaison Williams will certainly drop a few passes, Garren Strong will start and have 3 catches for 15 yards, and Aaron Plugrad is 5 foot 3 and weighs 90 pounds and will get broken in half. Not good.

3) Oregon has no good backup receivers- Oregon's backup receivers are: a walk-on whose name Jerry Allen didn't know when he played against WSU, a white receiver whose number is in the 90's, and a JC transfer that was set to redshirt this season until this injuries hit. Not good.

4) Dennis Dixon isn't that good- Dixon is a pretty good quarterback, but he isn't a QB that transcends and elevates the entire team. Like last year Dixon's numbers are built primarily on screen passes and once Washington figures out how to stop that play than Oregon is screwed. Again, not good.

5) Oregon doesn't realize this is a rivalry game- Oregon hasn't played in Seattle since 2003 and no one on Oregon's roster has ever played against a Washington team that was actually good. Nick Reed even said that he had to be told that Washington was a rival of Oregon. Because they have had to play in Eugene the past several years Washington will be super fired up for this game and Oregon won't match their intensity. Not good.

6) Past History- The past years Oregon has collapsed (2006, 2002, 2003) they always had a win in the middle of the losing streak that people though would stop the streak.

2002: 41-14 over Stanford, and they proceeded to lose the rest of their games
2003: 35-00 over Stanford and Oregon then Oregon lost their next game by 32 points.
2006: 30-20 over UCLA before losing 4 of last 6 games.

History repeats itself, again not good.

Final Prediction
Because of all these factors Oregon will lose to Washington 31-17, and the slide to mediocrity and fans calling for Brady Leaf will begin.

Week 8 Picks
I had another winning week last week going 27-24. This brings my total record on the season to 166-164. Clearly I know what I am doing.

Rutgers +1 vs South Florida
Lousiville -3.5 vs Uconn
Syracuse -3.5 vs Buffalo
Miami Ohio -6 @ Temple
Mississippi State +25.5 @ West Virginia
Indiana +7 vs Penn State
Clemson -16.5 vs Central Michigan
Wisconsin -23 vs Northern Illinois
Arkansas -5 @ Ole Miss
South Carolina -13.5 vs Vanderbilt
Wake -3 @ Navy
Georgia Tech -23.5 vs Army
Air Force -2.5 vs Wyoming
Western Michigan +1 vs Ball State
Kansas -3.5 @ Colorado
Rice +1 vs Memphis
SMU -6 vs Tulane
Nevada -7 @ utah State
Tennessee -1 @ Alabama
Nebraska -2 vs Texas AM
Iowa State +30 vs Oklahoma
Missouri -3.5 vs Texas Tech
Cal -1.5 @ UCLA
Notre Dame +17.5 vs USC
Florida State -4.5 vs Miami
Washington +13 vs Oregon
Michigan State +18.5 @ Ohio State
Maryland -4 vs Virginia
Bowling Green +5.5 @ Kent State
Central Florida -2.5 vs Tulsa
East Carolina -6 vs NC State
Stanford +13 @ Arizona
Fresno State -13.5 vs San Jose State
Houston -13 @ UAB
Kentucky +7 vs Florida
La Tech +15.5 vs Boise State
Iowa +7 @ Purdue
Toledo -1.5 vs Ohio
Texas -25.5 @ Baylor
Oklahoma State -3.5 vs Kansas State
Cincinnati -9.5 @ Pittsburgh
Illinois +1 vs Michigan
New Mexico State -9 vs Idaho
LSU -10 vs Auburn
New Mexico -9 @ San Diego State
UNLV -3 vs Colorado State
North Texas +21.5 @Troy
Middle Tennessee State -2 vs Arkansas State
Florida Atlantic -6.5 @Lafayette
FIU +13.5 @ Ul Monroe
Southern Miss -3.5 @ Marshall

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Buffet Rules

When I get hungry, and I mean hungry, there are only five words that can satisfy me: All You-Can-Eat Buffet. They’re like libraries of food, but instead of late fees, they’ve got soft-serve. I've been hitting up the local Bend buffets at least once a week. It really breaks up my normal routine of soup, chicken, microwave pasta, chicken-soup casserole.

Most people think you’ve got to eat meat to fill up at buffets (Think Izzy's and their BBQ hotdogs) but this is simply not true. It’s all about the sauces. Think about it: your body is mostly made up of liquid. Blood, water, guts. It’s all liquid. So does it make sense to shove a whole bunch of solids down your windpipe? Think again. You want to stock up on the sauces because they’ll keep you full the longest. Go for a big old glass of Alfredo sauce and you won’t eat for weeks. (If you can't find any sauces than salad dressing is a good substitute) Chinese buffets are also great for this. Kung pao might be spicy, but if you drink enough of it you won’t even be able to think about eating.

One a related note, it drives me crazy when buffets only offer one type of Jell-O. Seriously, the Jell-O thing drives me crazy. It costs, what 25 cents to make a whole tray? Loosen up the purse strings and throw some lemon and orange in with that watermelon. Although don't put the milk anywhere near the Jello. Despite what some people might do or say, MILK AND JELL-O DO NOT MIX. <--- Jerry you need to re-read this last sentance until you understand

Regular restaurants have waitresses that you’re supposed to tip but Buffets are great because they have waitresses that you don’t have to tip because you’re doing all the work yourself. These bimbos have tons of time on their hands because you’re the idiot running back and forth with the food, so I always intentionally drop a plate or two just to keep them on their toes.

I had an idea the other day regarding buffets and if anyone steals it I’ll hunt them down. Here’s the idea: buffets should start selling different size plates. You pay three bucks for the small, five bucks for the medium, and ten bucks for the large. I’m a real good stacker so I’d just have to pay for the little one and I'd go off, but fat people would probably shell out for the big plate so they wouldn’t have to get up so many times. I’m telling you, this is pure genius. Honestly, if you steal this idea I will dismantle you.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Cody Pickett is Overrated

Oregon demolished Washington State last week in a game that wasn't as close as the score indicated.

Game Grades

Cameron Colvin: D
He was just about to prove my "historically overrated Oregon Senior who magically gets good" theory before he got injured. With him injured the only football player left to prove the theory is Dixon, who is proving it quite well. Luckily for us Oregon has a basketball season just around the corner that will allow us to test more supposed wives tales relating to Oregon Athletics.

Walter Thurmond III: F He was absolutely terrible against WSU. He got destroyed by a true freshman who didn't even play football in high school. It doesn't say much about your coverage ability when you get abused by a player who has played football for 3 months. Mike Bellotti has already initiated a search for Walter Thurmond the 4th.

Dennis Dixon: C+ This might seem a little low for someone who went 21-28 for almost 300 yards, however over 200 of Dixon's passing yards came from screen passes. Luckily from him the game wasn't on TV and the "heisman pundits" will be fooled by his numbers.

Alex Brink: A+ His performance rivals that of fellow Midwestern League alum Matt Baramow.

Oregon moves a step closer to conquering the state of Washington this week with a game @ Washington. The last time Oregon played in Seattle Oregon got demolished 42-10 but it was still a great moment in Oregon football history. I will give ten dollars to anyone who can tell me what that moment was and who was involved. Here is a hint: look at the title of this post (and no the person involved was not Cody Picket)

BaldingReport Out.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Killing a Nation

Today was my third day of training and the big news out of Bend is that its ok for me to tell stories about the taxpayers I encounter as long as I don't use their real names. So for instance I can tell the story about "Taxpayer A" who stole the payroll tax from his business and used it fund illegal jet ski races on his private lake in Central Oregon.

In other news Oregon hosts Alex Brink and Washington State this weekend at Autzen Stadium. Its pretty sad that Washington State has been forced to start a QB from the Midwestern League for the past 4 years. I mean if Alex Brink is your schools all-time leading passer it doesn't say much about your team.

Despite Washington State's lowly status, Oregon is vulnerable right now and I see WSU hanging around for several reasons.

1) WSU does have a pretty good offense and Oregon's defense is in the gutter right now.

2) Oregon is Rich, Cool, and 4-1

3) Jonathan Stewart has a sprained thumb and will fumble at least twice

4) Oregon might wear white helmets (which have finally been approved)

I think Oregon will win, but it will be a close game for three quarters before Oregon scores 21 unanswered points in the 4th quarter to win by 20+. Oregon 42 WSU 21

Week 7 Picks

Hawaii -17 @ San Jose State
Purdue +5.5 @ Michigan
Syracuse +17.5 vs Rutgers
Eastern Michigan +4 @ Ohio
Northwestern -6.5 vs Minnesota
Kent +30.5 @ Ohio State
South Carolina -7 @ North Carolina
Georgia Tech +2.5 @ Miami
Duke +14 vs Virginia Tech
Cincinnati -10 vs Lousiville
Alabama -5.5 @ Ole Miss
Georgia -7 @ Vanderbilt
Buffalo -4.5 vs Toledo
Kansas -27 vs Baylor
Wyoiming -3.5 vs New Mexico
Tennessee -7 @ Mississippi State
Miami Ohio -1.5 vs Bowling Green
Utah -14 vs San Diego State
Central Michigan -13.5 vs Army
Houston -22.5 vs Rice
Oregon -19 vs WSU
Wisconsin +7 @ Penn State
Nebraska -3.5 vs Oklahoma State
Texas -16.5 @ Iowa State
Illinois -4 @ Iowa
Boston College -13.5 @ Notre Dame
Western Michigan -3.5 @ Northern Illinois
Stanford +6.5 vs TCU
Oregon State +14 @ Cal
Fresno -9.5 @ Idaho
Air Force +3 @ Colorado State
Temple +10.5 @ Akron
Kentucky +9.5 vs LSU
Auburn +3 @ Arkansas
UAB -2.5 vs Tulane
Virginia -3 vs Conneticut
Louisiana Tech -7.5 vs New Mexico State
Tulsa -13.5 vs Marshall
Indiana +3.5 vs Michigan State
Texas Tech -10 vs Texas AM
Missouri +12 @ Oklahoma
Colorado +4.5 @ Kansas State
So Mississippi -8.5 vs SMU
Central Florida +11.5 @ South Florida
East Carolina +3 @ Utep
BYU -11 @ UNLV
Washington +11.5 @ UNLV
USC -21 vs Arizona
Arkansas State -9 vs Lafayette
North Texas +7 vs UL Monroe
Middle Tenn State +4 @ Memphis
Nevada +25.5 @ Boise State



Friday, October 5, 2007

Football Picks

Sorry for the lack of updates but I have been in Seattle the past 5 days drinking courtesy of the US government. Its pretty ridiculous that they gave me 64 dollars each day for food. Needless to say that money went towards a couple of 3 dollar appetizers and 58 dollars of alcohol each night.

After a strong 28-21-1 week last week I am now up to 52% on the year with my picks, so the people who have been following my picks all year are almost back to even!! Anyway here are the week 6 picks

Northern Illinois -3.5 @ Temple


West Virginia -27 @ Syracuse


Cincy +4 @ Rutgers



Wisconsin +2.5 @ Illinois


Indiana -14 vs Minnesota


Michigan State -16.5 vs Northwestern

North Carolina +7 vs Miami


Wake -7.5 @ Duke



Ball State -12.5 vs Central Michigan

Vandy +8 @Auburn



Bowling Green +20 @ Boston College

Ohio -3.5 @ Buffalo



Army -6.5 vs Tulane



Eastern Michigan +29.5 @ Michigan

Wyoming -3 vs TCU



Texas AM -6.5 vs Oklahoma State

UAB +18.5 @ Mississippi State


Kent State -9 vs Miami OH


Kansas +3.5 @ Kansas State


Ole Miss -13 vs La Tech


Baylor +9 vs Colorado


Clemson -5.5 vs Virginia Tech


Texas +12.5 vs Oklahoma


Nebraska +6 @ Missouri


Iowa +9 @ Penn State


NC State +17.5 @ Florida State


Georgia -1.5 @ Tennessee


Fresno State +3 @ Nevada


Houston +10.5 @ Alabama


Idaho +6.5 @ San Jose State


Colorado State -13.5 vs San Diego State

Arizona +3 @ Oregon State


USC -41 vs Stanford



Akron +8.5 @ Western Michigan

Maryland +3.5 vs Georgia Tech


Iowa State +24.5 @ Texas Tech


Central Florida -3.5 @ East Carolina

LSU -7 vs Florida



Ohio State -7 @ Purdue


Notre Dame +22.5 @ UCLA


UNLV +5.5 @ Air Force


Tulsa -3 @ UTEP



ASU -9 @ WSU



South Florida -17 @ FAU


Arkansas State -2.5 @ UL monroe

North Texas +8 @ UL Lafayette


Troy -18 @ FIU



MTSU +10 vs Virginia


Hawaii -39 vs Utah State


New Mexico State -24.5 @ Boise State

Boise State -24.5 vs New Mexico State