Back in the fall, I was drinking a lot of Red Bulls and they really made me feel like I was being shot out of a cannon. I loved the stuff. Problem is, that junk is expensive. Who can afford to drink more than one a day? Certainly not me. My money goes to more enterprising pursuits, like buying foxxy ladies drinks. I wish I could drink six or seven cans of the stuff a day to keep me going, but until I win the lottery, or my competition at work ends up working at Taco Bell that’s not happening. When I was in the convenience store the other day, though, I saw this new energy drink called VivaMaxxPlus, so I decided to give it a shot.
Let me tell you, that stuff is amazing. They’re half the price of the Bull and they get my heart going even faster. It’s incredible. I drink a whole mess of them at lunchtime and then I’m awake until the sun comes up. It really helps me get through the workday and then my real workday, which starts at around 10pm. It’s hard to explain the feeling I get, but it’s like someone hooked up a battery to my body and it’s in charge of making my blood flow, but the dial that controls the speed got messed up and it’s stuck on “super fast.” That’s exactly what it feels like.
I decided I have to limit myself to three or four a day or else I’m going to get in some real trouble. Any more than that and I get pretty aggressive. Last week, I drank five cans of the sauce and when the women who sits across from me at work started talking her usual nonsense. I started imagining me and her on a go-kart track, but she didn’t have a go-kart and my go-kart had all kinds of weapons on it. (playing Mario Kart on the Wii probably doesn't help either) Right when I started picturing myself shooting her with my my heating seeking red turtle shells, I realized I needed to take it down a notch. I’m not a violent person, but there’s something in that VivaMaxxPlus that makes me craaaaaaazy.
Also, my quest to destroy Christopher Balding's race for congress (or get him to pay me to shut down my slander, will reach new heights tomorrow so stay tuned......Thats called a teaser by the way for those of you who don't know.)
