I know I have not posted in 10 days, but this post will encompass everything that happened in those past ten days. So before we go any further I recommend that everyone reading this go to the bathroom or grab a snack because your going to be locked in at your computer for the next 20 minutes or so.
I would like to start off with some BREAKING NEWS here on the BaldingReport. I have confirmed through several sources that Oregon State WR Sammie Stroughter is transferring to Sacramento State because he is upset that one of his teammates got kicked off the team for getting arrested on a gun charge. (Another story I am breaking weeks ahead of the traditional print media I might add). Most people probably don't care about me breaking this story early, but to all you savvy readers out there this story is worth at least $40. How??
Through GAMBLING on College Football!!!!
Last year i predicted every game in the college football season against the spread and I predicted over 58% of the games correctly. In other words I am a better gambler than that Robin De Niro character from Casino.
Oregon State opens the season at home against Utah in a game where OSU is a 7 point favorite. This line however assumes that Oregon State is going to have its 3rd team all-american WR available for the game to help out its new Quarterback. Once the news breaks that Stroughter is transferring, the point spread on the game will shift dramatically in Utah's favor because they are much more likely to win if Stroughter is out. HOWEVER, if readers of the BaldingReport go bet on Utah right now, they will lock in at the current spread ensuring that they will have an edge of every other gambler in the country.
Seeing as I watch more college football than anyone in the country, and have more inside information than Tim Donaghy, people who want to make money this fall should also bet on the following teams in week 1. (winners on the left)
Syracuse +3 vs Washington
San Jose State +14.5 vs ASU
California -6 vs Tennessee
Colorado -3 vs Colorado State
Arizona +7 vs BYU
Boston College -6 vs Wake Forest
Buffalo +31.5 vs Rutgers
Right before the start of the season I will post my picks for all the week 1 games, but these are the games that are such obvious winners you would be foolish to not put your money down immediately. Also if anyone wants to kickback some extra cash here to the BaldingReport for the free gambling advice I wont complain.
In other breaking news I have pulled a Billy Donovan and instead of going to work for Lithia, I am instead going to work for the IRS. Not only do I get roughly 30 days off per year (Plus Federal Holidays like Columbus day), but I will be doing exactly the same work that Will Ferrell was doing in his movie Stranger Than Fiction. In my desire to emulate him I was looking for a job as an Anchorman in San Diego, as a founding member of a fraternity, or even as a sex addicted skater, but I guess tax auditor is as close to him as I can get.
Moving on to Politics, I was very excited last week when I found out that for the first time, I had been viciously slandered in someone else's blog. I expected the first attack on me to come from a jealous wannabe blogger and I was right. The attack came from my cousin Christopher Balding who started the original BaldingReport but was forced to shut it down when he realized nobody cared about him. Here is what he said about me
"I have a cousin let's call him Michael who make Dennis Kucinich look like a right wing Republican. He hasn't gotten a real job yet or paid taxes and as Winston Churchill said everyone eventually becomes a conservative so I am not that worried. He however maintains a blog of his own which I am going to plug here. You can find his blog at thebaldingreport.blogspot.com. Not that inventive of a name is it?Though I don't know if "Michael" has written about this next point, I am going to mention it for him. "Michael" believes we should get out of Iraq, not an unusual position by any means, but you want to know why? Because al-qaeda has said that if we leave the Middle East they will leave us alone. Now I have written a blog on why we should leave Iraq, but if you believe that al-qaeda will leave us alone if we leave Iraq, I have some beach front property in Nebraska I'd like to sell you."
Lets examine Chris' claims bit by bit.
1) With regards to me not having a real job: I work for the IRS. Chris shouldn't be surprised when he finds an Audit headed his way.
2) With regards to the name of my blog: I don't deny that the name came from his failed blog of several years ago. Everyone would admit however that it is harder to resurrect something that died than to succeed with something brand new.
3) The third point Chris tries to make is about my Iraq position. First off lets put this debate in context. In February 2003 I went down to Phoenix for Spring training and to visit Chris. While I was down there, him and I got into a big debate about the upcoming war in Iraq. I astutely told him that there were no WMD's in Iraq, that Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11, and that we would get bogged down there if we invaded. Chris of course just spouted off like a republican lackey and i destroyed him on our little debate. And of course all of my points turned out to be true. So in the debate about Iraq, lets just remember who has the credibility about the situation.
Chris also stated that I want the US out of Iraq because "Al Qaeda promised to not follow us home". Not true at all. I want the US out of Iraq for the following reason. The rational behind the surge(and our troop presence in general) was to create a climate in Iraq where a political solution could be attained. This was done because everyone has said that the solution to Iraq is a political solution and not military solution. According to all reports the military has indeed created a stable climate so such a political solution can be reached. However the Iraqi government is unwilling to hammer out any sort of compromise. So if the solution to Iraq is a political solution, and the military has created a climate for a political solution to be possible and the political solution still won't happen, then why in the world would the US military stay in Iraq??????????????
The US should get out of Iraq and create a Federal System there (Like in Bosnia) because any hope of having a central government in Iraq ended when the Iraqi Parliament was unable to reach agreement despite the best efforts of the US military to ensure a climate where such an agreement could be reached.
The US tried to create a central government in Iraq, failed, and as consequence should leave or try something else before any more people die. That is why we should get out of Iraq, not because of some bullshit Al-Qaeda promise.
Moving on,
In other political news Rudy Giuliani hired a completely crazy person to be his chief policy advisor. Giuliani hired Norman Podhoretz who has openly advocated for bombing Iran "as soon as is logistically possible." Podhoretz also has stated on more than one occasion that he believes the US is currently in World War 4. World War 4?!??!?! How did I miss World War 3??? I have to admit that I am somewhat skeptical of anyone who is two world wars ahead of everyone else. I can accept 1 World War, but 2 is just to far.
In other political news Rudy Giuliani hired a completely crazy person to be his chief policy advisor. Giuliani hired Norman Podhoretz who has openly advocated for bombing Iran "as soon as is logistically possible." Podhoretz also has stated on more than one occasion that he believes the US is currently in World War 4. World War 4?!??!?! How did I miss World War 3??? I have to admit that I am somewhat skeptical of anyone who is two world wars ahead of everyone else. I can accept 1 World War, but 2 is just to far.
It also frustrates me to see Giuliani so hawkish on the war because I honestly feel he would be a good president on domestic issues but his war policy reminds me of a kid playing the game Risk.
In more political news Karl Rove just randomly resigned a few days ago. I think this was a saving face move by Rove. By leaving before the end of Bush's second term he creates the illusion of a disgruntled employee leaving because he disagrees with the bosses policies. Of course we all know that to be bullshit, but by leaving now Rove can probably catch on some 2008 race, and begin to reinvent himself.
On a related note about Karl Rove, I have to say purely from his physical appearance he looks like one of the dumbest sons of bitches on the planet. He honest to god looks like a cross between someone with down syndrome, and one of those people who is so fat that it looks like their skin is falling off their face.
Look at that picture, tell me that isn't a 50 year old guy with down syndrome.
Anyway like Jim Rome, BaldingReport out.
